Liminal Space

Recently, in his sermon series on Exodus, my pastor was talking about liminal space. The place in between places, a place you’re just passing through. A quick Google search says it’s the sort of place “that evokes feelings of ambiguity and unease, often occurring during times of change or in places that are empty, abandoned, or feel ‘off’.”
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Yeah, that really resonates with me.

​The Israelites wandered through the wilderness for 40 years. Can you imagine doing that?? Well, I just had a birthday that’s a couple of years past that number, and I’m starting to think I can.
 
I’ve never been homeless or a nomad, but nevertheless, my whole life has felt like liminal space. Like I’ve never really belonged anywhere. I’ve never been truly sure what to do in social situations (ambiguity) or comfortable anywhere (unease). I mean, I guess maybe at home, but not as much as I felt like I should have. Not as much as everyone else seems to be. Even though my family is awesome.
 
I’m so grateful that now I understand I’m not alone in this regard—this liminality (Ah, that is a word!) is the lifelong experience of people who are neurodivergent. About three years ago, I finally realized I’m AuDHD, and that has gone a LONG way toward helping me make sense of and have peace of mind about my personality, my habits and needs, and my past traumatic experiences (like every day at school). Now I get why I’m daily “bombarded” by things like bright lights, loud noises, uncomfortable feelings from clothing and crowds, etc., and why I find it so hard to understand most people and their “weird” behavior/words.
 
I also now realize that liminality is part of my main character, Melanie’s, experience too—flowing naturally and unconsciously out of me, her author. When I wrote Hunter’s Moon, I wasn’t trying to describe the neurodivergent experience, wasn’t even aware of that word or that it fit me. I was just writing what I knew, as the advice goes.
 
Like I am, Melanie is caught between two worlds: her old, normal college life and her painful, secretive, dangerous new existence as a werewolf. There are things most people from her old life—even her good friends—don’t know and can’t understand about her, and she tries hard to hide them, similar to the way I have “masked” all my life.
 
I guess the cursed werewolf bite was my way of throwing her into the “wilderness of testing.” Heh, sorry, Mel... But God, our Author, always has His reasons and always knows what He is doing. He didn’t just have His people wander around that challenging, painful place for 40 years for no reason. He was teaching them His ways and to depend on Him. He gave them grace (rescued them from slavery) and then He taught them His laws (the very best way to live—for their good).
 
He’s done that with me, too. I know He designed me wonderfully, and I wouldn’t change who I am. Even though it means my whole life has been and will be difficult. It’s just teaching me to rely more on Him and honing my character. Someday I will forever be in a place where I am known, loved, understood, and accepted by everyone.
 
Until then...I write, and I pray, and I try to give grace and empathy to everyone, because we’re all in some sort of wilderness from time to time.
 
How to wrap this up? Hmmm.
 
Well, if this post resonates with you, and if you like werewolf books and fantasy, check out Hunter’s Moon!