On Grieving

​If you’ve gone through the grieving process, you will probably relate to this post. If you don’t want to read something so sad, involving pet death, then please skip this post.

​A year and ten months ago, my husband and I had to say goodbye to our first dog, Thatcher, who was suffering from an inoperable brain tumor. February 17, 2024, was one of the worst days of my entire life. (Read this post if you want details.)
 
But since then, I’ve slowly been feeling better. Little by little, the grief has ebbed. But grief isn’t a linear process, as I knew before but am experiencing now.
 
Late last month, my sister’s dog (her first dog she owned as an adult, like Thatcher was mine) was diagnosed suddenly with an aggressive form of cancer. He was 11 but had been—or seemed—perfectly fine, and still fairly athletic . . . until he wasn’t. Less than two weeks after his diagnosis, he was gone. There was nothing they could do but make him comfortable, and they ended up having to put him to sleep to end his misery, like we had to do for Thatcher.
 
Well, let me tell you, my grief over my own dog—my own baby—came rushing back like a tidal wave even as I shared in my sister’s grief. All the awful memories of watching Thatcher get worse and worse and then having to do the “terrible, merciful thing” came flooding back, along with many, many tears. It was so fresh all over again, like a knife to the heart.
 
I’m glad, though, that at least Oscar and I had a couple of months with Thatcher after his diagnosis, which is when the grieving process really started. I hate suddenness and surprises (bad ones, at least) and I believe God almost always gives me warnings about things ahead of time because He knows it’s harder for me to cope with sudden shocks. Like when my baby brother died, when I was a teen, I had a dream about it a few weeks beforehand. And there have been other situations like that I won’t get into. But PTL that He has been gentle with me and usually eases me into things.
 
It’s been a week or so since I started writing this post (interruptions, leave me the frick alone!!) and I’m feeling somewhat better now. But I’m sure there will be more surges of grief. Maybe next time I see my sister, in about a week or so.
 
Even though this holiday season isn’t going the way we wanted—I’ve been sick a lot too—we still have so much to be thankful for, and especially that my family members are doing okay. I have a beautiful niece now and it’s her first Christmas . . . can’t wait to spoil her when she visits and see the excitement on her adorable chubby face! <3
 
Cycles of birth and death, and the world keeps moving around me like it always does. I will jump back in when I’m ready, but for the rest of the year, I would like to withdraw as much as possible and rest and recover from everything. I am reading a cozy Christmas fantasy romance now and enjoying lots of treats.
 
I hope you finish the year soft too. Take care of yourself and be gentle with yourself. Christmas is about love, especially God’s love for all of us.
 
See you in 2026.

P.S. In the picture at the top is my childhood dog (yellow Lab), my bro’s first dog (Pomchi), Thatcher (cream Shiba), and sis’s dog (hound).